The Other Fifteen

Eighty-five percent of the f---in' world is working. The other fifteen come out here.

And for a moment there I was getting worried

All of the traditional signs that baseball was getting under way were showing up - pitchers and catchers reporting, photos coming out of Mesa, a flood of newspaper articles... but something was missing.

That something, thankfully, has been found. Ozzie Guillen has finally started running his mouth.

''I'll be cocky,'' Guillen said Saturday as Sox pitchers and catchers held their first workout. ''If we win this year, I might run naked down Michigan Avenue like people expect me to do.''

It's good to have the real Ozzie Guillen back.

He was missing most of last season, holding his tongue and holing up too often in his office. He toned down his comments to shield his players from answering questions each day about the latest Ozzie outburst. Turns out, most of the players didn't mind.

Yeah, Ozzie Guillen was "toned down" last season. Whatever you say, Chris DeLuca. But he promises to turn up the crazy for this season!

''If my [stuff] sells papers every day and we win, well, I want to be on the front page every day,'' Guillen said. ''As long as I don't rape anybody, as long a I pay my taxes, I don't beat my wife ... if I am going to be on the front page of the newspaper because of [expletive] baseball, I will take that.

''If more people treat baseball the way I treat baseball, this [expletive] game will be better.''

Exactly, Ozzie - just so long as you don't rape anybody, everything will be fine. Way to hold yourself to a high standard - no raping, and paying your taxes.

In picking apart the 2007 White Sox, plenty of things went wrong. A popular knock among the critics is this team that had been known for thriving with a chip on its shoulder suddenly was too nice.

''They're right,'' Guillen said. ''You cover this ballclub last year, you say, 'Wow, what a nice team to cover.' No, it's not fun to cover a team like that. Well, it's not fun to [expletive] manage a team like that, either.

''We stunk last year.''

Yep. Clearly a chip on everyone's shoulder is going to fix the worst offense in the AL from last season. And make Jose Contreras pitch better.

Yeah. Enjoy fifth place, asshole.

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4 Responses to “And for a moment there I was getting worried”

  1. # Blogger Greg

    Yep. All Oz needs to do is start calling people homosexuals and child molesters again and the Sox will win another WS.

    Yeah, you're a real man, Ozzie.  

  2. # Blogger Wrigleyville

    he hasn't badmouthed any former players just yet...  

  3. # Anonymous Maddog

    Colin, Ronny Cedeno may soon be another team's infield predator. The Cubs have signed Alex Cintron to a minor league deal. Levine said the other day that the Cubs might sign him if they were to deal Cedeno to the O's. A deal for Roberts could be getting closer.  

  4. # Blogger Colin Wyers

    So you're saying I should hold off on having my Prior jersey changed over to a Cedeno jersey?  

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