The Other Fifteen

Eighty-five percent of the f---in' world is working. The other fifteen come out here.

The magic of Wrigley

Well, today is the start of Cubs ticket sales, which means the absolute hell that is the Virtual Waiting Room (I exaggerate, but not by a whole lot). The good news is, I've got myself a date with Wrigley this summer.

Now, if you've never been to Wrigley, you may think you know about it from the television - and to a large extent, you really do. Most of the stuff that you don't see on the TV is the part of Wrigley that you really don't want to see. The concourse is something of a travesty, really - it's dark, grey and lifeless, and the steel trough urinals are a wild throwback, probably to a 1970s correctional facility.

Now, it's been a while since I've been to see a game with our local Low A team, the Quad Cities Angels Cubs Angels River Bandits Swing River Bandits, but I'm pretty sure that Municipal Park John O'Donnell Stadium Modern Woodmen Park has better amenities in the bandstand than Wrigley does, based on hazy childhood memories. (This could be related to the fact that they have adopted a more liberal naming rights policy than the Cubs have.)

But when you actually get out to the seating and gaze upon the field, well... there's a kind of magic.

And I can hear you now: "But Colin, you're a sabermetrician! How do you know anything about magic? I thought you people just looked at spreadsheets!"

And that's just silly. Of course I know about magic, you fools! I read all about it in my Dungeon Master's Guide!

Wrigley Field is probably some sort of high-level fascination spell, probably a custom one made with epic spell seeds. (It's probably persisted as a sort of wondrous item; I'd actually be willing to wager that Wrigley itself is some sort of a major artifact.) I'd bet the Will Save DC to avoid being fascinated by Wrigley is at least a 40. I'm not really up on my epic-level spell creation, so if any of you are more well-versed in these matters let me know.

(For you pedants out there: Yes, I know that's the 2nd Edition DMG. Yes, I know I cited the 3.5 Edition rules for fascination. Yes, I know the rules for fascination (and magic in general, really) are in the Player's Handbook, not the DMG. I just want to warn you right now that I've contingencied an Empowered Maximized Ennervation spell that casts itself on any nitpickers that pop up in the comments. We cool? We cool.)

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5 Responses to “The magic of Wrigley”

  1. # Blogger Jesse Guam

    That post was awesome in it's magical geekiness. I am truly overwhelmed.  

  2. # Anonymous Vince

    I personally think Wrigley is a dump. It needs to be torn down and rebuilt somewhere. They could do it in the same place and keep the scoreboard and ivy walls if they want to.

    I will never understand the BCB Cubs fans who would rather have Wrigley than a championship.

    It burns me when people try and say it has too much history to tear down. Is any Cub fan really proud of our history? Fuck, we are the laughing stock of all professional sports.

    On another note - I have never spent 2 seconds on Magic or D&D, but we definitely need as many references to it as possible just because the reactions of our resident douchebag

    Final note - Fuck the virtual waiting room  

  3. # Anonymous Maddog

    I agree, Vince.

    I don't think they should tear it down. The ballpark is beautiful, but I think they should turn into a museum and let Little Leaguers play on it.

    Build a state of the art stadium elsewhere in the city and bring in the revenues that will help the Cubs spend additional money so that they can blow the Cardinals, Astros, and Brewers away when it comes to payroll. I don't see any reason why the Cubs couldn't build a new ballpark and increase payroll into the $150 million range.

    I haven't been to Wrigley in about 6 years and I don't miss the place. It's a throwback and special in that sense, but it's not even a good place to watch baseball. Me? I'd much rather go elsewhere that doesn't have the parking issues and other headaches that come with trying to go to a game there.

    It would be nice if the Cubs could have Wrigley and all the modern amenities with it, but since that's not possible my vote is to build a new stadium that seats 50,000 and pack it full of advertisements and let's watch the Cubs payroll grow to where it could be.  

  4. # Anonymous Vince

    Well, the Cubs could, and should have a payroll closer to $150 million, than $100 million already.

    But living only 3 blocks from the place, I have the opportunity to go to many games a year, so I don't get the same feeling of nostalgia like many (most) others.

    Plus, going to as many games as I do, I have had to watch this crap firsthand more than anyone should have to. So that has helped sour my opinion on this organization.  

  5. # Blogger Samael2681

    I think there's a good chance they refurbish Wrigley in the near future. it'd be expensive, and some of the things they can't change due to the historical landmark status of Wrigley, but I wouldn't be surprised if they basically redo the entire grandstand and concourse, with the only thing remaining more or less the same being the bleachers, simply because I don't think they can do much there. With a increase in luxury boxes and some jumbotrons in the left field and rightfield corners (since the scoreboard is another part that can't be changed), with redesigned seating and a better concourse, it's conceivable that it would be a completely different stadium once you actually got in there.

    All that said, it would be a wise decision to go with a new stadium, having certain games reserved for 'old Wrigley' periodically. The only stickler on this would be the location of it, which could cause some problems in the Chicago area.

    Also, I like the fascination idea, I can't think of any other reason people would line up to pay for $6.50 beers every half inning. No reason magic can't be apart of the mystique and allure of Wrigley, since it's cursed already anyway.  

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